I am the mother of a teenage girl. I wake up almost every morning in disbelief. For the past few years I’ve spent a great deal of time wishing her real mother would come and get her.

I understand the dynamics that accompany mother/daughter relationships, because this is my second, but this knowledge me nothing. Apparently, my personal experiences do not arm me with the necessary skills to master motherhood.

I was a pretty mouthy teenager. I said some really terrible things directly to my mother’s face and mocked her when she cried. I hated her guts and there was never any doubt she was 100% to blame for everything wrong in my life. One day she put a spell on me with wild magic that involved something about one day having a daughter just like me. The words “just… like… you” still haunt in me. It was dirty, and also effective.

My daughter has been blessed with some of my favorite qualities and is possessed possesses some of my worst. She’s like the hybrid version of who I was at her age.

Naturally, our house is no stranger to Hatred, Cruelty, and Sarcasm. There are dirty basketball socks, bras, trash, and half empty water bottles hidden all over the place, and “No One” is always responsible. She screams horrible things I have learned not to take personally. I am the enemy of fun and coolness, and literally everything about me is lame. Apparently, there is absolutely nothing good about me and. to top it all off, I am the dumbest person on Earth.

I used to think I was brilliant and terribly witty, but my daughter has burst my bubble. Apparently I am just annoying, embarrassing, and incredibly stupid. I try to cut her some slack, because I remember how hard it is to be a teenage girl. The world has not gotten any easier or kind, and I cannot imagine having to be seventeen in today’s society.

I dread even stepping foot in her high school – as a grown-ass woman. The air is polluted with pressure and judgment and I’m sure if the walls could talk they’d beg to be relocation. 

I remember the deafening noise and demands for perfection and popularity. I wore fake, bright red  (like Sally Jessie Raphael) glasses in seventh grade for God’s sake, and was beyond devastated when I got called out, in front of the whole class for pretending to be blind. Those glasses were to be my “in” with the girl I wanted to be, because she wore red rimmed glasses. She was supposed to love them and they were meant to bond us. That (and the reasoning behind super-gluing the backs of earrings to my teeth because she also had braces), is what keeps me in therapy to this day.

Sometimes just being a girl sucks. PERIOD.

I wish I could say the torment will end, and probably won’t matter in five years. I want her to able to process the fact that the only reason almost every kid in high school is a complete fucking douche-canoe is fear of the same shit she afraid of. They are all filled with self-doubt and insecurity.

My high school career would have been A LOT easier if I had been able to understand that. I probably wouldn’t have physically assaulted as many people. 

It’s beyond unfair that during the most difficult, frustrating, confusing, gut wrenching, scary as shit time in our lives, our brains are not developed enough to deal with anything. If only we could get after creating earlier development of that pesky little lobe instead of so many weight loss and hard on pills. I’d much rather have the gift of logic than an erection any day, but that’s just me.

The truth is, I am afraid of and for my beautiful daughter. She has everything I did when I was her age (although I do fear she’s smarter than I ever was). I was seventeen when I had her, and when I’m not waiting for her head to spin fully around I feel quite blessed to have had a daughter like me. I have the unique opportunity to raise her with as much compassion as I can muster while she screams profanities, how much she hates me, and all the ways she wishes me dead before asking me to drive her to the mall.

I hear, “this too shall pass,” and let me be clear. I am not holding my breath.

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11 years ago

The amount that I can relate to this is amazing. However, my daughter is only 13 now. Help! LOL

Jamie Santapaula
11 years ago

we were all just trying to figure it out when we were younger… and we were all dorks 🙂
(ps, i was always jealous of people with braces.. they were different!)

11 years ago


I will pray for you. We should start a legit support group.


Total dorks. Thank God we've all grown into such sophisticated women!

11 years ago

Visiting from the Honest Mom Link-up!

This post lays out all the reasons I was terrified of my first-born being a girl (of course, she is). We butt heads already, and she's 6.

Mother help us all…

11 years ago

I will pray for you Jessica. It started early for us too. She is slowly, but surely getting better as she matures, but it has NOT been a pretty process. I'm totally here for you if you need support!!

11 years ago

Oh, good LORD! The Sally glasses and braces! lmao!!! That's hilarious! Now, anyway. And yes, you are a good mother if she hates you. It would be much easier to be a crappy parent, but that wouldn't be good enough. Would it? P.S. Mine is showing strong signs of demonic possession and she's only 10. HELP me…………

Oh yes, it starts early. Sally glasses AND fake braces. What a girl won't do to "fit in".

Thanks Jamie, I know I commented on this before, but somehow it got lost when I switched comment moderators. We were all dorks and I'm so happy you said that. I never knew YOU felt like one too.

Haha, you're in trouble Lady. Don't worry, I'm gonna be a black belt in teenaged girl by the time yours reaches her full potential so you can use me as a support 😉

Karen Hug-Nagy
11 years ago

Oh what an awesome post! I think it's harder being a parent now, due to all the craziness in our world. I still feel like a dork, though just an older one, we want to protect our kids but sheez, where do we draw the line, I just let the apron strings out a little at a time and grin and bear it!

One Funny Motha
10 years ago

Don't hold your breath too long – you might pass out. My daughter isn't at that age yet & she's not so bad as far as preteens go, but it is enough to drive you insane. I guess there is a lot more pressure out there now then when we were growing up & I should be more understanding – Idk. She is also too much like me, which is a problem. I just hope we get to a point where we can like each other & appreciate each other.

10 years ago

It is DEFINITELY enough to cause insanity! That's what happens when dealing with crazy people. They cray cray.