I’m in constant struggle with balance, and the pressure I put on myself is horrific. Sometimes I ask friends for help. The world has opened up to me since I got sober and I have more friends than I can count. Some of these friends are drinkers, however, and I don’t always appreciate the response when I let it slip that I’m having a hard time.

“Just have a glass of wine! Wine solves everything!” 

I beg to differ. Wine does not solve my drinking problem.

I know that it’s not your responsibility to know or remember that I don’t drink. It’s not like I’m talking about it all the time or wearing t-shirt that says “Don’t forget!! I Don’t Drink Anymore.” It doesn’t upset me as much as it’s just exhausting. Why do I have to justify why I’m not going to dive into a glass of wine every time I have a hard day? Honestly, it makes me worry for the woman struggling with booze today and the fact that her friends might be encouraging problematic drinking. 

It has been many years since I’ve had a drink, and I still remember that feeling of instant relief. Unfortunately for me and those I drink with, it doesn’t take long for that relief to turn into “fuck it.” That’s what keeps me sober today. I’m not willing to go to that place anymore, because it no longer fits my life. I have too many wonderful things going on, and “fuck it” is just not an option.

Recovery has been a difficult road, and there are many of us out there rocking it. It may not necessarily be as important to you, because maybe you don’t think you know anyone in or contemplating recovery. Maybe that’s true; or maybe they’re just too afraid to disclose between the reminders that “wine solves everything.” 

Thanks to the work I’ve done on myself, a drink is not the first thing I think about when I’m stressed out or upset. If you knew me drinking, you’d know what a miracle that is.

Sometimes I get into a funk. Thanks to my friend Anxiety, I’m often stressed over problems that may never even happen, but a glass of wine will never make it better. And even though I know that, it doesn’t stop me from being a little jealous of your ability to have that glass after a tough day; while I have to pray or meditate in some awkward yoga pose for less than instant gratification.

So, the next time some mother lets it sneak out that she’s struggling, please try to keep in mind that some of us don’t have the luxury of disappearing into a glass of wine. Some of us don’t need to be reminded of the lie that we can probably have “just one.”   

Self-care doesn’t have to mean drinking, and there are so many other amazing suggestions to give a struggling mom. It’s okay to suggest taking a yoga class, getting a massage, resting in a hot bath, or even a childless mom-day with friends. 

Those things have never landed me in trouble.


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3 years ago

*mic drop* ????

Jennifer Lacroix
3 years ago

I love this and needed to read it. Thank you.